WHAT lengths would you go to get more sex from your partner?
Would you shower them with extravagant gifts, make weekend getaways a regular thing or perhaps suggest a little role playing at bed time?
Some people think love conquers all and you should just put up with not enough.
A couple of extreme cases making headlines overseas have thrust the issue into the spotlight again.
In Italy, an 84-year-old woman filed for divorce from her 88-year-old husband on the grounds of sexual unfulfillment.
She told her lawyer her elderly husband wanted to have sex with her only twice a month, which was not enough.
During mediation, the woman admitted the divorce proceedings had been an “elaborate ruse” to get her husband to take viagra.
In another outrageous case, a South Carolina man called 911 complaining his girlfriend would not have sex with him.
According to a police report, the 53-year-old specifically complained that his girlfriend “would not give him any a--”. The (sarcasm alert) charming boyfriend was subsequently charged with misuse of an emergency number.
ABS figures show 47,638 divorces were granted in 2013. More women (15,684) filed for divorce than men (12,329) but the majority of splits were instigated jointly (19,625).
The cause of the breakdowns is unknown but sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein said a lack of sex was always a complaint for couples she counselled.
Goldstein is even aware of one couple that created a ‘sex contract’ before entering into a union.
Nobody rocked up saying they had an amazing sex life,” she said.
“It was always a complaint. Sex is parallel to your relationship. “
The doctor and author of #singlebutdating said public perceptions of sex add pressure on relationships.
“There is too much emphasis on sex (in society); the amount we are having and the type we are having,” she said.
“When is enough ever going to be enough.”
A national survey of sexual activity released last year revealed people in heterosexual relationships have sex an average of 1.4 times per week, down from 1.8 times a week when the study was last conducted in 2003.
But that doesn’t mean that’s what every Australian couple should be aiming for.
Dr Goldstein’s advice is simple: don’t go by what society expects, set your own expectations.
“Talk about your definitions,” Dr Goldstein said.
“What are your expectations from your sex life and also what do you define as good sex and what do you like.
“These are simple questions we do not communicate about and go about assuming we know what someone wants.
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